Subj: The Visiting Parents Chronicles
Date: 12/24/97
To: jjw-l@io.com

Karisue said: In a message dated 97-12-24 11:49:23 EST, you write:

hahaha... I do ya'll for breakfast...in my nightgown (or lack
thereof) , over coffee :) How and when do the rest of ya'll
"do" the List??
hahahahha..... keep it clean Dave ......

I do the JJW-L behind closed doors. Sometimes I get out my dirty mind pictures and think about Miss Kari reading my notes au naturel and it makes the ol' cock crow, do you know what I mean?

Seriously (hah, that's a good one), I do it to avoid work and my visiting parents. Dear ol' Mom's constant cigarette smoking seems to heat up a room about 20 degrees and tinkers with my breathing. Then there's her super-long stories, conducted at a word a minute clip. Damn! they're interesting. Detailed accounts of how some friend of the family I haven't seen or thought of in 25 years died a long painful death ... but it beats listening to my dad complain that his medicine makes him shit his pants. ... Can't wait to grow old, how about you???

Well, that was yesterday, day one of the visit Today's going pretty good. I've managed to avoid them for better than half of the day, and they still took us all out to eat at a pretty nice restaurant. They only come to see the grandkids anyway. Tomorrow, Christmas and the annual embarrassment of riches.

Forgot to tell you about unloading the car. Their car is 15 years old and smells like a drying shack on a Kentucky tobacco plantation. Not as clean, though. ... Well, there's no scrimping on presents for Christmas, at least in quantity. The four of us, me and Mrs. Dave, mom and dad, each had to make about four trips from the car just to unload presents. It'll take us half a day to open them, and most of them will be some god-awful style, or some cutesy-clever joke gift that will go right in the trash the day after they leave, or it'll clutter up my house for years. Some of them will be downright troublesome, things Mom insists we wear or keep and display everytime they show up.

So ... my son and I are watching a movie last night. It's about 10:30, my dad has conked out in the LaZ-Boy and someone, somehow, got him up and stumbling off to bed. So what's that squealing noise? Is it something on TV? Why is it on all channels? My son finds it. Dad's hearing aid, one of them, had fallen out in the chair. My wife says she'll put in a glass on the dresser. I tell her that's not a good idea; I've never forgotten the time mom put my contacts in the dishwasher when I lost my case and left them in a glass on the dresser.

Well, I've got to go do my sonly duty ... but it's a lot more fun writing this. Can't wait to get blasted by some of you, but hey, maybe you'd trade parents????

Beaumont Dave