(This is not a Beaumont Dave writing; it’s a BD-inspired writing, a response to the Visiting Parents Chronicles of December, 1997. Thought you’d enjoy.)

Subj: private to Chicken Dave
Date: 97-12-24 22:15:36 EST
From: jmorro19@chicagonet.net (Jim Morrow)

Dave....

Listen, dear old do-any-thing-for-me friend.

I got my father-in-law here for Christmas at my house (you can call him aPa ... like all the grandkids do ------ that is NOT what I call him when I am alone here in the office . .... this last week I've spent a lot of time here thinking about what I'd like to do with each of those unlit but well chewed cheap-ass cigars he has in his mouth at all times except
sleeping and eating ... he doesn't shower or shave ..... he says he buys 'em by the box cause they're cheaper ... I say... "cheaper?" .. holy shit, at $9.00 per box how the f*** much is he saving?????) .....

anyway......the purpose of this private message is ........ the day after Christmas, wifey and I will leave Northern Illinois to drive him (it wasn't my friggin' idea!!!!! I'da chartered the fricatee frac Concorde to fly him home if the damn thing could land in Beaumont!!! Is it true there is a federal penitentary at either end of the runway there?) home to his
trailer (see, you already got something in common with him) Nederland, Texas. (My 15 year old drop-dead-gorgeous female kiddy is off to Ixtapa to lay in the sun for a week with her bestest girl friend and family ... <sigh>.)

anyway again, after reading your most recent post about your folks, I've decided to drop PaPa off at your trailer to spend a spell with you. I think he would get along famously with your folks ...... I'm sure you will thank me someday.

You can back channel me with your address....... ok... I know it's in the woods somewhere.... and you go into town to pick up your mail ... just plain, concise directions to the pecan grove where your trailer is parked will be fine. Looking forward to seeing you soon after Christmas.

I remain,

your hero.

Jim

and again.. Merry Christmas...........